graves stares down at the phone charger flung before his shoes, the coiled wire coming half-undone at some time in its trajectory, then back up at where his young lover seems to almost be shaking with rage, unflinchingly straight instead of slouched, drawn to his full height like he's spoiling for a fight.
it doesn't take long before he gets the message, and wonders if he's missed out on any special occasion. anniversary? date? someone's birthday? the possibilities are endless, and when tacked on the back of a phonecall from a president that is aggressively unqualified in every discernible way -- produces... well, no solid hypothesis as to why credence is blindingly furious.
interesting, too, how he is so different now than he was before; more confident, more self-assured, and definitely more comfortable with expressing his feelings. except now is not the time to admire the changes that have been wrought in the past almost-a-year since they'd first met, and graves chooses his words carefully. ]
credence drags his fingers through his hair impatiently when graves shows no recognition for why he would be angry. he actually snorts in a way that's almost derisive and he's never been angry like this, not at graves. ]
Yes, something happened. Something like me trying to call you when you were late getting home and going straight to your voicemail. I left you three, if you'll check them later. The driver hadn't heard from you, no one at your damn [ practically spit out - he's already tired of this administration, obviously-- ] work wouldn't even tell me if you were alive or dead.
[ he breathes out harshly and this time it's shaking. it's becoming quickly clear that he's not angry out of anything self-serving but because he's upset, because he's spent several hours worried with no recourse. ]
I deserve to be able to know that someone's not going to come by with a canned apology for my loss, Percival.
[ definitely not the time to marvel at the fact that credence has found his backbone and is more than willing to lash out at him. definitely not, because he can read the underlying worry, the concern that bleeds into fear, then the inevitable anger. this is the anger of someone who actually cares, and for the first time in a long while it occurs to graves that he has someone waiting at home for him now.
an alien concept, a strange thing to come to terms with when graves has often been used to solitude, to an alone-ness that has always been a part of this penthouse. there is another here now, another who apparently cares enough to be furious when he's unreachable, who claws for him because he's worried.
he says it's not anything special, but graves thinks there's everything special about it. he softens, understands the nature of his anger and is warmed by it. he bends over to pick up the charger, carefully putting it in his pocket before he steps towards him. credence must have spent all this time stewing in his worry and anxiety, and while graves can do nothing about existing security measures at the bureau, he can definitely do something about his phone. ]
I'm sorry, Credence. [ he says at length, sincere and without excuse. how strange it is that someone now cares about what time he gets home. credence is more than just a warm body in his apartment, and graves mulls quietly over this for a few moments. ] I should have kept the line of communication open no matter how busy I was.
[ making an apology is new and alien to him -- graves has never needed to issue apologies, not to anyone; and here he is, doing something he hasn't done in years, engaging with another individual on such a personal basis. how strange. ]
I've worried you. [ graves delicately leaves out the fact that he hasn't listed anyone as the next of kin -- why put more of a target on credence's back? -- because he's very sure that his young lover would definitely not be on board with the entire situation. ]
[ no, definitely not that time. credence has found himself, made so much progress in this time he's been living with graves, and this is the result. a young man fully ready to voice his opinions and disapproval. specifically disapproval about this, about being left in the dark, about being forced to worry. credence makes a point to not bother graves while he's working and it's not much to ask to be able to contact him if he needs to.
but graves is apologizing earnestly and credence looks at him, eyes sharp and shuttered in a very familiar way, one he hasn't worn in a long time. ] I'm not going to say it's okay because it's not. [ his voice is even when he speaks now at least: and he's right. the old credence would have said 'it's fine' and 'don't worry about it' because he was too afraid to rock the boat. but now, he's become... ] But I accept your apology.
[ it's definitely not the time to tell credence that he wouldn't even get the courtesy of a sympathetic visit if something did happen to graves, because it would start the argument anew. he's not going to take no for an answer when it does happen, so best to be prepared for that.
credence breathes out slow and trembling before he nods, moving forward and grasping at the front of his coat so that he can look into his eyes. ] You have. I already worry about you enough without this adding to it. I don't care if we have to get you an extra battery to attach to it all day, I want to be able to contact you if you're late or if something happens here. [ he pauses. ] What if your phone had been dead that last time? [ if graves' phone is dead he can't get an alert from credence that something's happened to him. which leaves him in the dark about where credence is, if he's still alive. he's not guilting the older man, simply stating fact. ]
I love you, but I'm very angry and I don't like you very much right now.
low, but honest and true, and graves stifles a grimace when credence brings it up. what if his phone had been dead the last time, indeed -- he can't even begin to imagine the chaos it would wreak, the fact that he could have lost him. he stiffens just a little, and reaches out to touch his cheek just briefly. yes, yes he really deserves that one, because in between all his meetings and the fires he has to put out, this one had, for the moment, slipped his mind.
making a mental note to acquire a new battery the next chance he gets, graves exhales a near inaudible sigh. the lines of worry and anger on credence's face haven't all been dispelled; his young lover's practically radiating anger, even if he's quelled just a little more from when he'd tossed the charger at his feet. he's close, grasping he front of his coat like he'd afraid graves will slip away like so much smoke, and a part of him marvels at the depth of his concern, the care.
he can't imagine what it would be like to lose him because of a dead fucking battery. credence's safety, after all, is paramount, and he's reminded him of it. instead of uttering another apology (which would serve no purpose whatsoever now that his lover has accepted it), he goes. ]
What can I do to make it up to you? [ because that's the important thing, isn't it? credence is rightfully asserting himself, and graves is giving him his due -- he demands to be treated like an equal, not a pet within these luxurious four walls; and graves will give it to him.
...also, he just said he loves him. graves doesn't know what to think of that, either. ]
[ it isn't as though they hadn't discussed credence's feelings for graves that first time he was brought back home - he's just too shy and self-conscious to harp on it. he knows he's young, and graves should be with someone closer to his age, stronger, not like him. but he wants him at least, as his lover, and credence contents himself with that even if they don't say things like i love you.
(he feels protected here, safe, wanted, appreciated, but he's so desperate to be told he's loved.)
that aside he does lean into the touch to his cheek, expression softening just a little. he'd meant what he said, in any case. finally, he lifts his own hand to brush over graves' cheek, his jaw, down to his neck. it's tender, feeling him out, and yes, definitely making sure he's really here. credence leans in to kiss him slowly, lingering that way before pulling back to look at him. ] I don't know. I don't think it's the same if I tell you what to do. [ he's not keeping a distance anymore at least, leaning into him with a sigh. it's always nice this way, credence's wiry height against graves' broad chest or back. he presses a kiss below the older man's ear, but it's little more than a peck. ]
Not making me worry like this from not having a way to contact you, ever again, is a start.
[ no, it isn't as though they haven't discussed it -- graves knows that he's fallen in love with him, hopelessly, completely; and the thought of it is strange and terrifying. the idea that he would love a young man half his age, that someday he will find someone like him, someone younger, who the hell knows? for the longest time graves had been half-in and half-out of the relationship for purely self-preservation reasons.
but then things changed, and he doesn't remember when he'd decided to be in this wholly, for better or worse.
he still doesn't regret it, he realizes, when he looks into those lovely eyes and he watches them soften. credence is assertive and graves learns that this is what he appreciates in a partner; one who can hold his own against him. graves has a very strong, overpowering nature, dominant and nearly single-minded, but somehow credence has found a way to be a counterbalance without compromising himself.
he seeks him out, wanting to draw him into a kiss, but credence eludes him and perhaps it's punishment of a sort, because he knows credence is not above that -- and he closes his eyes briefly, enjoying the sweet soft kisses. ]
That can be arranged. [ his hand comes to curve around the back of his neck, cradling him warmly. ] Do you like me a little more right now?
Good. [ credence has been in this fully since he realized. he doesn't have eyes for anyone else - doesn't want to have eyes for anyone else. finding someone his own age never so much as crosses his mind. he could tell though, when graves had been purposely keeping him at arms' length and when it had shifted into something else. it had made him so happy - it still does - but he wishes so much that graves would vocalize it. even just once.
it's strange, feeling assertive about anything. he'd never been before; of course he hadn't been. now though it feels natural to straighten his spine and have agency. perhaps it's because graves had granted him so much of it through the time he's lived with him. from day one. he's grown into himself and it's important to keep going with it. so he does.
and no, credence is not above that sort of gentle punishment. he smiles faintly when graves' hand settles at his nape, watching him and his expression. this time he does move in, hovering with his lips just above the older man's with a hum. ] A little. [ and now when he kisses him it's deeper, though it's brief before he pulls back just enough to look at him seriously again. ] I was really scared.
I know. [ he knows it now, on the heels of that intense, brief kiss. his lips still tingle, and he muses that coming home to someone else is something profoundly warming. especially when it's someone like credence, who doesn't make it a secret how much he cares for him -- and graves learns, once again, what it's like to be with another person and not count down the minutes until they walk out the door.
credence has become an important fixture in his life, an undeniable presence; his assertiveness is a boon, a reminder of how much he's blossomed, and graves runs his fingers through his younger lover's hair. ] I'll make sure you'll be able to reach me anytime you want to. Do we have a deal?
[ it's funny. graves had said, that first time, that he was a difficult man to love. for credence it's not the loving that's difficult - he has that in spades - but the worry. credence knows that though, and what kind of man would he be if he couldn't weather it? one that didn't deserve this in the first place. still, this doesn't mean he can't remind his older lover of things, necessary things like points of contact.
credence leans into graves' touch easily, head tipping toward his hand as he looks at him. ] That's a very good deal. [ he wraps his arms around graves' neck slowly, leaning into him and pressing their foreheads together. ] I'll gladly accept it. [ honestly, now that he's back there's so much relief flooding his system that he can't think of much else. there's a flicker of what he used to be, scared and timid and trying to exist as small as possible.
finally he lifts his head again, tucking a strand of the older man's hair back into place. it's a habitual movement, something he likes to use as a gentle affection. ] I don't know what I'd do without you.
[ graves says dryly, amusement flickering in his eyes as he watches him lean into his touch, loosening up and presumably mollified. credence is affectionate when he wants to be, tactile and gentle, and graves responds by sliding an arm around his waist, obedient under his lover's attentions when he tucks his hair back.
he recognises the flicker of fear, buried deep -- the old credence who had been skittish as a foal, wary and always looking to make himself smaller, as if consciously finding ways to apologise for his existence. he's different now, better; even if the ghost of what he was lingers. he nuzzles against his cheek, angling for a slow, searching kiss. ] You've come a long way.
I threw it at the floor, not at you. There's a difference.
[ sulkily. finally he sighs, kissing him softly and just lingering that way as long as he can, barely touching. he looks at graves after that, searching his face and memorizing it yet again. there's a brief second where he reaches up to brush his thumb over the worry lines on his brow, more than a little charmed by them.
when graves compliments him it draws him quiet and still; he tips toward him and kisses him soundly, lovingly, hands cupping his face to keep him there. when he finally looks at him his eyes are a little too bright but he's smiling. ] It's your fault. You know that, don't you? That I've been able to do this.
[ spell it out for him, darling. graves has an idea of what he's talking about, and personally, he's quite proud of it. but he likes it when credence tells him about these things specifically. he's taking him in, equally smitten despite himself, warmed by his affection before he kisses him right back again, stealing another kiss from his lovely mouth.
then another, and another, because having him smile is something magical, something special. credence smile more and more these days, and his thumb brushes over the curve of his mouth lightly, as if trying to make it stay just a little longer. ]
I want to see what it is that I should make up for, tonight.
[ and that's the crux of it, isn't it? he's not scared like he used to be. he still is at times but he's able to push through it, to manage himself properly and do what needs doing. he doesn't make himself smaller, doesn't let himself be steamrolled.
the kisses practically take his breath away and he's practically coiled around him like a clinging vine by the time graves speaks again, pressing their foreheads together - he nips playfully at the pad of graves' thumb, then settles. ] I want to forget I was ever worried.
[ he murmurs, a ghost of a smile tugging at his mouth. that's the crux of it, how credence is not afraid the way he used to be; how he's blossoming into someone graves comes to love more and more by the day. theirs is not a conventional relationship, but it works, and graves has never been happier with him.
credence is clinging, affectionate and warm, and graves keeps him close, thumb slipping between his lips briefly to brush over his tongue. it's an intimate gesture between lovers, and he follows after it with another brief kiss, his hand coming down to twine his fingers with his. ]
[ he sounds so pleased like this, it must really be so relieving to see him after worrying so much. his heart hurts but in a good way this time.
he can focus on other things too: when graves' thumb is in his mouth credence sucks on it once, brief and lazy while looking at him. but then credence returns the kiss, leaning into it as he threads their fingers and noses against his cheek. ]
No. Have you? [ credence pauses, tipping back a little to eye him. ] Have you eaten at all today?
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graves stares down at the phone charger flung before his shoes, the coiled wire coming half-undone at some time in its trajectory, then back up at where his young lover seems to almost be shaking with rage, unflinchingly straight instead of slouched, drawn to his full height like he's spoiling for a fight.
it doesn't take long before he gets the message, and wonders if he's missed out on any special occasion. anniversary? date? someone's birthday? the possibilities are endless, and when tacked on the back of a phonecall from a president that is aggressively unqualified in every discernible way -- produces... well, no solid hypothesis as to why credence is blindingly furious.
interesting, too, how he is so different now than he was before; more confident, more self-assured, and definitely more comfortable with expressing his feelings. except now is not the time to admire the changes that have been wrought in the past almost-a-year since they'd first met, and graves chooses his words carefully. ]
Did something happen?
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credence drags his fingers through his hair impatiently when graves shows no recognition for why he would be angry. he actually snorts in a way that's almost derisive and he's never been angry like this, not at graves. ]
Yes, something happened. Something like me trying to call you when you were late getting home and going straight to your voicemail. I left you three, if you'll check them later. The driver hadn't heard from you, no one at your damn [ practically spit out - he's already tired of this administration, obviously-- ] work wouldn't even tell me if you were alive or dead.
[ he breathes out harshly and this time it's shaking. it's becoming quickly clear that he's not angry out of anything self-serving but because he's upset, because he's spent several hours worried with no recourse. ]
I deserve to be able to know that someone's not going to come by with a canned apology for my loss, Percival.
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an alien concept, a strange thing to come to terms with when graves has often been used to solitude, to an alone-ness that has always been a part of this penthouse. there is another here now, another who apparently cares enough to be furious when he's unreachable, who claws for him because he's worried.
he says it's not anything special, but graves thinks there's everything special about it. he softens, understands the nature of his anger and is warmed by it. he bends over to pick up the charger, carefully putting it in his pocket before he steps towards him. credence must have spent all this time stewing in his worry and anxiety, and while graves can do nothing about existing security measures at the bureau, he can definitely do something about his phone. ]
I'm sorry, Credence. [ he says at length, sincere and without excuse. how strange it is that someone now cares about what time he gets home. credence is more than just a warm body in his apartment, and graves mulls quietly over this for a few moments. ] I should have kept the line of communication open no matter how busy I was.
[ making an apology is new and alien to him -- graves has never needed to issue apologies, not to anyone; and here he is, doing something he hasn't done in years, engaging with another individual on such a personal basis. how strange. ]
I've worried you. [ graves delicately leaves out the fact that he hasn't listed anyone as the next of kin -- why put more of a target on credence's back? -- because he's very sure that his young lover would definitely not be on board with the entire situation. ]
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but graves is apologizing earnestly and credence looks at him, eyes sharp and shuttered in a very familiar way, one he hasn't worn in a long time. ] I'm not going to say it's okay because it's not. [ his voice is even when he speaks now at least: and he's right. the old credence would have said 'it's fine' and 'don't worry about it' because he was too afraid to rock the boat. but now, he's become... ] But I accept your apology.
[ it's definitely not the time to tell credence that he wouldn't even get the courtesy of a sympathetic visit if something did happen to graves, because it would start the argument anew. he's not going to take no for an answer when it does happen, so best to be prepared for that.
credence breathes out slow and trembling before he nods, moving forward and grasping at the front of his coat so that he can look into his eyes. ] You have. I already worry about you enough without this adding to it. I don't care if we have to get you an extra battery to attach to it all day, I want to be able to contact you if you're late or if something happens here. [ he pauses. ] What if your phone had been dead that last time? [ if graves' phone is dead he can't get an alert from credence that something's happened to him. which leaves him in the dark about where credence is, if he's still alive. he's not guilting the older man, simply stating fact. ]
I love you, but I'm very angry and I don't like you very much right now.
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low, but honest and true, and graves stifles a grimace when credence brings it up. what if his phone had been dead the last time, indeed -- he can't even begin to imagine the chaos it would wreak, the fact that he could have lost him. he stiffens just a little, and reaches out to touch his cheek just briefly. yes, yes he really deserves that one, because in between all his meetings and the fires he has to put out, this one had, for the moment, slipped his mind.
making a mental note to acquire a new battery the next chance he gets, graves exhales a near inaudible sigh. the lines of worry and anger on credence's face haven't all been dispelled; his young lover's practically radiating anger, even if he's quelled just a little more from when he'd tossed the charger at his feet. he's close, grasping he front of his coat like he'd afraid graves will slip away like so much smoke, and a part of him marvels at the depth of his concern, the care.
he can't imagine what it would be like to lose him because of a dead fucking battery. credence's safety, after all, is paramount, and he's reminded him of it. instead of uttering another apology (which would serve no purpose whatsoever now that his lover has accepted it), he goes. ]
What can I do to make it up to you? [ because that's the important thing, isn't it? credence is rightfully asserting himself, and graves is giving him his due -- he demands to be treated like an equal, not a pet within these luxurious four walls; and graves will give it to him.
...also, he just said he loves him. graves doesn't know what to think of that, either. ]
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(he feels protected here, safe, wanted, appreciated, but he's so desperate to be told he's loved.)
that aside he does lean into the touch to his cheek, expression softening just a little. he'd meant what he said, in any case. finally, he lifts his own hand to brush over graves' cheek, his jaw, down to his neck. it's tender, feeling him out, and yes, definitely making sure he's really here. credence leans in to kiss him slowly, lingering that way before pulling back to look at him. ] I don't know. I don't think it's the same if I tell you what to do. [ he's not keeping a distance anymore at least, leaning into him with a sigh. it's always nice this way, credence's wiry height against graves' broad chest or back. he presses a kiss below the older man's ear, but it's little more than a peck. ]
Not making me worry like this from not having a way to contact you, ever again, is a start.
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but then things changed, and he doesn't remember when he'd decided to be in this wholly, for better or worse.
he still doesn't regret it, he realizes, when he looks into those lovely eyes and he watches them soften. credence is assertive and graves learns that this is what he appreciates in a partner; one who can hold his own against him. graves has a very strong, overpowering nature, dominant and nearly single-minded, but somehow credence has found a way to be a counterbalance without compromising himself.
he seeks him out, wanting to draw him into a kiss, but credence eludes him and perhaps it's punishment of a sort, because he knows credence is not above that -- and he closes his eyes briefly, enjoying the sweet soft kisses. ]
That can be arranged. [ his hand comes to curve around the back of his neck, cradling him warmly. ] Do you like me a little more right now?
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it's strange, feeling assertive about anything. he'd never been before; of course he hadn't been. now though it feels natural to straighten his spine and have agency. perhaps it's because graves had granted him so much of it through the time he's lived with him. from day one. he's grown into himself and it's important to keep going with it. so he does.
and no, credence is not above that sort of gentle punishment. he smiles faintly when graves' hand settles at his nape, watching him and his expression. this time he does move in, hovering with his lips just above the older man's with a hum. ] A little. [ and now when he kisses him it's deeper, though it's brief before he pulls back just enough to look at him seriously again. ] I was really scared.
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credence has become an important fixture in his life, an undeniable presence; his assertiveness is a boon, a reminder of how much he's blossomed, and graves runs his fingers through his younger lover's hair. ] I'll make sure you'll be able to reach me anytime you want to. Do we have a deal?
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credence leans into graves' touch easily, head tipping toward his hand as he looks at him. ] That's a very good deal. [ he wraps his arms around graves' neck slowly, leaning into him and pressing their foreheads together. ] I'll gladly accept it. [ honestly, now that he's back there's so much relief flooding his system that he can't think of much else. there's a flicker of what he used to be, scared and timid and trying to exist as small as possible.
finally he lifts his head again, tucking a strand of the older man's hair back into place. it's a habitual movement, something he likes to use as a gentle affection. ] I don't know what I'd do without you.
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[ graves says dryly, amusement flickering in his eyes as he watches him lean into his touch, loosening up and presumably mollified. credence is affectionate when he wants to be, tactile and gentle, and graves responds by sliding an arm around his waist, obedient under his lover's attentions when he tucks his hair back.
he recognises the flicker of fear, buried deep -- the old credence who had been skittish as a foal, wary and always looking to make himself smaller, as if consciously finding ways to apologise for his existence. he's different now, better; even if the ghost of what he was lingers. he nuzzles against his cheek, angling for a slow, searching kiss. ] You've come a long way.
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[ sulkily. finally he sighs, kissing him softly and just lingering that way as long as he can, barely touching. he looks at graves after that, searching his face and memorizing it yet again. there's a brief second where he reaches up to brush his thumb over the worry lines on his brow, more than a little charmed by them.
when graves compliments him it draws him quiet and still; he tips toward him and kisses him soundly, lovingly, hands cupping his face to keep him there. when he finally looks at him his eyes are a little too bright but he's smiling. ] It's your fault. You know that, don't you? That I've been able to do this.
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[ spell it out for him, darling. graves has an idea of what he's talking about, and personally, he's quite proud of it. but he likes it when credence tells him about these things specifically. he's taking him in, equally smitten despite himself, warmed by his affection before he kisses him right back again, stealing another kiss from his lovely mouth.
then another, and another, because having him smile is something magical, something special. credence smile more and more these days, and his thumb brushes over the curve of his mouth lightly, as if trying to make it stay just a little longer. ]
I want to see what it is that I should make up for, tonight.
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[ and that's the crux of it, isn't it? he's not scared like he used to be. he still is at times but he's able to push through it, to manage himself properly and do what needs doing. he doesn't make himself smaller, doesn't let himself be steamrolled.
the kisses practically take his breath away and he's practically coiled around him like a clinging vine by the time graves speaks again, pressing their foreheads together - he nips playfully at the pad of graves' thumb, then settles. ] I want to forget I was ever worried.
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[ he murmurs, a ghost of a smile tugging at his mouth. that's the crux of it, how credence is not afraid the way he used to be; how he's blossoming into someone graves comes to love more and more by the day. theirs is not a conventional relationship, but it works, and graves has never been happier with him.
credence is clinging, affectionate and warm, and graves keeps him close, thumb slipping between his lips briefly to brush over his tongue. it's an intimate gesture between lovers, and he follows after it with another brief kiss, his hand coming down to twine his fingers with his. ]
Have you had dinner yet?
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[ he sounds so pleased like this, it must really be so relieving to see him after worrying so much. his heart hurts but in a good way this time.
he can focus on other things too: when graves' thumb is in his mouth credence sucks on it once, brief and lazy while looking at him. but then credence returns the kiss, leaning into it as he threads their fingers and noses against his cheek. ]
No. Have you? [ credence pauses, tipping back a little to eye him. ] Have you eaten at all today?