[ it isn't as though they hadn't discussed credence's feelings for graves that first time he was brought back home - he's just too shy and self-conscious to harp on it. he knows he's young, and graves should be with someone closer to his age, stronger, not like him. but he wants him at least, as his lover, and credence contents himself with that even if they don't say things like i love you.
(he feels protected here, safe, wanted, appreciated, but he's so desperate to be told he's loved.)
that aside he does lean into the touch to his cheek, expression softening just a little. he'd meant what he said, in any case. finally, he lifts his own hand to brush over graves' cheek, his jaw, down to his neck. it's tender, feeling him out, and yes, definitely making sure he's really here. credence leans in to kiss him slowly, lingering that way before pulling back to look at him. ] I don't know. I don't think it's the same if I tell you what to do. [ he's not keeping a distance anymore at least, leaning into him with a sigh. it's always nice this way, credence's wiry height against graves' broad chest or back. he presses a kiss below the older man's ear, but it's little more than a peck. ]
Not making me worry like this from not having a way to contact you, ever again, is a start.
[ no, it isn't as though they haven't discussed it -- graves knows that he's fallen in love with him, hopelessly, completely; and the thought of it is strange and terrifying. the idea that he would love a young man half his age, that someday he will find someone like him, someone younger, who the hell knows? for the longest time graves had been half-in and half-out of the relationship for purely self-preservation reasons.
but then things changed, and he doesn't remember when he'd decided to be in this wholly, for better or worse.
he still doesn't regret it, he realizes, when he looks into those lovely eyes and he watches them soften. credence is assertive and graves learns that this is what he appreciates in a partner; one who can hold his own against him. graves has a very strong, overpowering nature, dominant and nearly single-minded, but somehow credence has found a way to be a counterbalance without compromising himself.
he seeks him out, wanting to draw him into a kiss, but credence eludes him and perhaps it's punishment of a sort, because he knows credence is not above that -- and he closes his eyes briefly, enjoying the sweet soft kisses. ]
That can be arranged. [ his hand comes to curve around the back of his neck, cradling him warmly. ] Do you like me a little more right now?
Good. [ credence has been in this fully since he realized. he doesn't have eyes for anyone else - doesn't want to have eyes for anyone else. finding someone his own age never so much as crosses his mind. he could tell though, when graves had been purposely keeping him at arms' length and when it had shifted into something else. it had made him so happy - it still does - but he wishes so much that graves would vocalize it. even just once.
it's strange, feeling assertive about anything. he'd never been before; of course he hadn't been. now though it feels natural to straighten his spine and have agency. perhaps it's because graves had granted him so much of it through the time he's lived with him. from day one. he's grown into himself and it's important to keep going with it. so he does.
and no, credence is not above that sort of gentle punishment. he smiles faintly when graves' hand settles at his nape, watching him and his expression. this time he does move in, hovering with his lips just above the older man's with a hum. ] A little. [ and now when he kisses him it's deeper, though it's brief before he pulls back just enough to look at him seriously again. ] I was really scared.
I know. [ he knows it now, on the heels of that intense, brief kiss. his lips still tingle, and he muses that coming home to someone else is something profoundly warming. especially when it's someone like credence, who doesn't make it a secret how much he cares for him -- and graves learns, once again, what it's like to be with another person and not count down the minutes until they walk out the door.
credence has become an important fixture in his life, an undeniable presence; his assertiveness is a boon, a reminder of how much he's blossomed, and graves runs his fingers through his younger lover's hair. ] I'll make sure you'll be able to reach me anytime you want to. Do we have a deal?
[ it's funny. graves had said, that first time, that he was a difficult man to love. for credence it's not the loving that's difficult - he has that in spades - but the worry. credence knows that though, and what kind of man would he be if he couldn't weather it? one that didn't deserve this in the first place. still, this doesn't mean he can't remind his older lover of things, necessary things like points of contact.
credence leans into graves' touch easily, head tipping toward his hand as he looks at him. ] That's a very good deal. [ he wraps his arms around graves' neck slowly, leaning into him and pressing their foreheads together. ] I'll gladly accept it. [ honestly, now that he's back there's so much relief flooding his system that he can't think of much else. there's a flicker of what he used to be, scared and timid and trying to exist as small as possible.
finally he lifts his head again, tucking a strand of the older man's hair back into place. it's a habitual movement, something he likes to use as a gentle affection. ] I don't know what I'd do without you.
[ graves says dryly, amusement flickering in his eyes as he watches him lean into his touch, loosening up and presumably mollified. credence is affectionate when he wants to be, tactile and gentle, and graves responds by sliding an arm around his waist, obedient under his lover's attentions when he tucks his hair back.
he recognises the flicker of fear, buried deep -- the old credence who had been skittish as a foal, wary and always looking to make himself smaller, as if consciously finding ways to apologise for his existence. he's different now, better; even if the ghost of what he was lingers. he nuzzles against his cheek, angling for a slow, searching kiss. ] You've come a long way.
I threw it at the floor, not at you. There's a difference.
[ sulkily. finally he sighs, kissing him softly and just lingering that way as long as he can, barely touching. he looks at graves after that, searching his face and memorizing it yet again. there's a brief second where he reaches up to brush his thumb over the worry lines on his brow, more than a little charmed by them.
when graves compliments him it draws him quiet and still; he tips toward him and kisses him soundly, lovingly, hands cupping his face to keep him there. when he finally looks at him his eyes are a little too bright but he's smiling. ] It's your fault. You know that, don't you? That I've been able to do this.
[ spell it out for him, darling. graves has an idea of what he's talking about, and personally, he's quite proud of it. but he likes it when credence tells him about these things specifically. he's taking him in, equally smitten despite himself, warmed by his affection before he kisses him right back again, stealing another kiss from his lovely mouth.
then another, and another, because having him smile is something magical, something special. credence smile more and more these days, and his thumb brushes over the curve of his mouth lightly, as if trying to make it stay just a little longer. ]
I want to see what it is that I should make up for, tonight.
[ and that's the crux of it, isn't it? he's not scared like he used to be. he still is at times but he's able to push through it, to manage himself properly and do what needs doing. he doesn't make himself smaller, doesn't let himself be steamrolled.
the kisses practically take his breath away and he's practically coiled around him like a clinging vine by the time graves speaks again, pressing their foreheads together - he nips playfully at the pad of graves' thumb, then settles. ] I want to forget I was ever worried.
[ he murmurs, a ghost of a smile tugging at his mouth. that's the crux of it, how credence is not afraid the way he used to be; how he's blossoming into someone graves comes to love more and more by the day. theirs is not a conventional relationship, but it works, and graves has never been happier with him.
credence is clinging, affectionate and warm, and graves keeps him close, thumb slipping between his lips briefly to brush over his tongue. it's an intimate gesture between lovers, and he follows after it with another brief kiss, his hand coming down to twine his fingers with his. ]
[ he sounds so pleased like this, it must really be so relieving to see him after worrying so much. his heart hurts but in a good way this time.
he can focus on other things too: when graves' thumb is in his mouth credence sucks on it once, brief and lazy while looking at him. but then credence returns the kiss, leaning into it as he threads their fingers and noses against his cheek. ]
No. Have you? [ credence pauses, tipping back a little to eye him. ] Have you eaten at all today?
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(he feels protected here, safe, wanted, appreciated, but he's so desperate to be told he's loved.)
that aside he does lean into the touch to his cheek, expression softening just a little. he'd meant what he said, in any case. finally, he lifts his own hand to brush over graves' cheek, his jaw, down to his neck. it's tender, feeling him out, and yes, definitely making sure he's really here. credence leans in to kiss him slowly, lingering that way before pulling back to look at him. ] I don't know. I don't think it's the same if I tell you what to do. [ he's not keeping a distance anymore at least, leaning into him with a sigh. it's always nice this way, credence's wiry height against graves' broad chest or back. he presses a kiss below the older man's ear, but it's little more than a peck. ]
Not making me worry like this from not having a way to contact you, ever again, is a start.
no subject
but then things changed, and he doesn't remember when he'd decided to be in this wholly, for better or worse.
he still doesn't regret it, he realizes, when he looks into those lovely eyes and he watches them soften. credence is assertive and graves learns that this is what he appreciates in a partner; one who can hold his own against him. graves has a very strong, overpowering nature, dominant and nearly single-minded, but somehow credence has found a way to be a counterbalance without compromising himself.
he seeks him out, wanting to draw him into a kiss, but credence eludes him and perhaps it's punishment of a sort, because he knows credence is not above that -- and he closes his eyes briefly, enjoying the sweet soft kisses. ]
That can be arranged. [ his hand comes to curve around the back of his neck, cradling him warmly. ] Do you like me a little more right now?
no subject
it's strange, feeling assertive about anything. he'd never been before; of course he hadn't been. now though it feels natural to straighten his spine and have agency. perhaps it's because graves had granted him so much of it through the time he's lived with him. from day one. he's grown into himself and it's important to keep going with it. so he does.
and no, credence is not above that sort of gentle punishment. he smiles faintly when graves' hand settles at his nape, watching him and his expression. this time he does move in, hovering with his lips just above the older man's with a hum. ] A little. [ and now when he kisses him it's deeper, though it's brief before he pulls back just enough to look at him seriously again. ] I was really scared.
no subject
credence has become an important fixture in his life, an undeniable presence; his assertiveness is a boon, a reminder of how much he's blossomed, and graves runs his fingers through his younger lover's hair. ] I'll make sure you'll be able to reach me anytime you want to. Do we have a deal?
no subject
credence leans into graves' touch easily, head tipping toward his hand as he looks at him. ] That's a very good deal. [ he wraps his arms around graves' neck slowly, leaning into him and pressing their foreheads together. ] I'll gladly accept it. [ honestly, now that he's back there's so much relief flooding his system that he can't think of much else. there's a flicker of what he used to be, scared and timid and trying to exist as small as possible.
finally he lifts his head again, tucking a strand of the older man's hair back into place. it's a habitual movement, something he likes to use as a gentle affection. ] I don't know what I'd do without you.
no subject
[ graves says dryly, amusement flickering in his eyes as he watches him lean into his touch, loosening up and presumably mollified. credence is affectionate when he wants to be, tactile and gentle, and graves responds by sliding an arm around his waist, obedient under his lover's attentions when he tucks his hair back.
he recognises the flicker of fear, buried deep -- the old credence who had been skittish as a foal, wary and always looking to make himself smaller, as if consciously finding ways to apologise for his existence. he's different now, better; even if the ghost of what he was lingers. he nuzzles against his cheek, angling for a slow, searching kiss. ] You've come a long way.
no subject
[ sulkily. finally he sighs, kissing him softly and just lingering that way as long as he can, barely touching. he looks at graves after that, searching his face and memorizing it yet again. there's a brief second where he reaches up to brush his thumb over the worry lines on his brow, more than a little charmed by them.
when graves compliments him it draws him quiet and still; he tips toward him and kisses him soundly, lovingly, hands cupping his face to keep him there. when he finally looks at him his eyes are a little too bright but he's smiling. ] It's your fault. You know that, don't you? That I've been able to do this.
no subject
[ spell it out for him, darling. graves has an idea of what he's talking about, and personally, he's quite proud of it. but he likes it when credence tells him about these things specifically. he's taking him in, equally smitten despite himself, warmed by his affection before he kisses him right back again, stealing another kiss from his lovely mouth.
then another, and another, because having him smile is something magical, something special. credence smile more and more these days, and his thumb brushes over the curve of his mouth lightly, as if trying to make it stay just a little longer. ]
I want to see what it is that I should make up for, tonight.
no subject
[ and that's the crux of it, isn't it? he's not scared like he used to be. he still is at times but he's able to push through it, to manage himself properly and do what needs doing. he doesn't make himself smaller, doesn't let himself be steamrolled.
the kisses practically take his breath away and he's practically coiled around him like a clinging vine by the time graves speaks again, pressing their foreheads together - he nips playfully at the pad of graves' thumb, then settles. ] I want to forget I was ever worried.
no subject
[ he murmurs, a ghost of a smile tugging at his mouth. that's the crux of it, how credence is not afraid the way he used to be; how he's blossoming into someone graves comes to love more and more by the day. theirs is not a conventional relationship, but it works, and graves has never been happier with him.
credence is clinging, affectionate and warm, and graves keeps him close, thumb slipping between his lips briefly to brush over his tongue. it's an intimate gesture between lovers, and he follows after it with another brief kiss, his hand coming down to twine his fingers with his. ]
Have you had dinner yet?
no subject
[ he sounds so pleased like this, it must really be so relieving to see him after worrying so much. his heart hurts but in a good way this time.
he can focus on other things too: when graves' thumb is in his mouth credence sucks on it once, brief and lazy while looking at him. but then credence returns the kiss, leaning into it as he threads their fingers and noses against his cheek. ]
No. Have you? [ credence pauses, tipping back a little to eye him. ] Have you eaten at all today?