[ as sheltered as credence is, he's not stupid. he's also not unkind: it's credence's influence, small as it may be, that reminds his mother of god's wish for his followers to help others. that gets mary lou to allow a yankee soldier asylum in her home.
he still gets beaten for his insolence but it's worth it. still, despite himself he finds that he's drawn in by this man's handsomeness and charm, urged to sin by dreaming of him at night and so much as letting himself look just a second too long with something longing in his eyes before he leaves the room.
he doesn't know how his mother suspects or knows, but perhaps it's just precautionary or she just thinks her lovely son to be predisposed but there isn't much to be done for it. she's right, isn't she? he's something unworthy, crafted by the devil with his sullied desires. knowing that doesn't stop it though, doesn't save him from imaginings of percival graves kissing him, touching him, dragging mewling cries out of him as though he's playing him like an instrument.
(he could, credence thinks, if only he would.)
he knows that graves is drawing him in, testing him, but he still wonders if it's genuine or some cruel trick - still, his heart aches with wanting affection and he finds himself unable to resist. he spends too much time with the older man, tending to him too dutifully. he looks at him through dark lashes and smiles with full lips, wondering if he has some sort of effect on him. he hopes so.
the night he slips through the door so quietly he's been thinking about it for too long: he'll sate himself with watching him and be done with it. it can't be remedied and his mother would...
for a long time after he shuts the door again he just stands at the side of the bed and watches him, assuming sleep because graves' eyes are closed. but watching him simply isn't enough. it never has been he thinks, wondering after the nights he's fisted over himself but not let himself come out of fear of consequences, leaving himself wanting and lost.
it should be enough, he should make it be enough. instead he hovers over him nervously before leaning down and he knows it's wrong, knows it's a sin, but this will surely be enough. surely he can comfort himself with this.
barely, just barely, he lets his lips brush against graves' mouth. ]
no subject
he still gets beaten for his insolence but it's worth it. still, despite himself he finds that he's drawn in by this man's handsomeness and charm, urged to sin by dreaming of him at night and so much as letting himself look just a second too long with something longing in his eyes before he leaves the room.
he doesn't know how his mother suspects or knows, but perhaps it's just precautionary or she just thinks her lovely son to be predisposed but there isn't much to be done for it. she's right, isn't she? he's something unworthy, crafted by the devil with his sullied desires. knowing that doesn't stop it though, doesn't save him from imaginings of percival graves kissing him, touching him, dragging mewling cries out of him as though he's playing him like an instrument.
(he could, credence thinks, if only he would.)
he knows that graves is drawing him in, testing him, but he still wonders if it's genuine or some cruel trick - still, his heart aches with wanting affection and he finds himself unable to resist. he spends too much time with the older man, tending to him too dutifully. he looks at him through dark lashes and smiles with full lips, wondering if he has some sort of effect on him. he hopes so.
the night he slips through the door so quietly he's been thinking about it for too long: he'll sate himself with watching him and be done with it. it can't be remedied and his mother would...
for a long time after he shuts the door again he just stands at the side of the bed and watches him, assuming sleep because graves' eyes are closed. but watching him simply isn't enough. it never has been he thinks, wondering after the nights he's fisted over himself but not let himself come out of fear of consequences, leaving himself wanting and lost.
it should be enough, he should make it be enough. instead he hovers over him nervously before leaning down and he knows it's wrong, knows it's a sin, but this will surely be enough. surely he can comfort himself with this.
barely, just barely, he lets his lips brush against graves' mouth. ]